Purple Rain (1984)

Director: Albert Magnoli

Despite being a full-on Generation Xer whose formative years were smack in the 1980s, I somehow made it right through the end of the 20th century without ever seeing Purple Rain. I now know that I wasn't missing all that much.

A semi-autobiographical vanity project for undisputed musical genius Prince, Purple Rain falls laughably flat in every area where a musical film needs to answer the question, "Why don't I just buy the album or watch a live performance of the artist?" Purple Rain has no good answers to either of those questions.

The story told in between the musical numbers follows "The Kid," (Prince) a supposedly misunderstood musician whose genius is mostly ignored, with audiences preferring the pop funk stylings of The Kid's main rival and tormentor, Morris Day (essentially playing himself). When a beautiful young woman, Apollonia (playing a version of herself), comes along to try and make it as a singer and dancer, she falls in love with The Kid. The romance falls apart when The Kid grows angry and hits Apollonia, a dark echo of the abuse that he's witnesses his father unleash on his mother for years. Apollonia begins a solo career under the tutelage of Morris Day, sending The Kid further into despair. He gets a wake-up call, though, when his father commits suicide. Pulling himself together, he crafts a few masterpiece tunes, shows up at a music competition where Day's group has also performed, and The Kid dazzles the crowd with an array of brilliant pop-funk-R-and-B tunes, including the iconic title song "Purple Rain."

When written out in summary form, it seems like it should be an OK musical movie, right? Maybe not great, but at least the bare bones are there for something that isn't laughable. Well, much of the movie was laughable, and not in the intentional "Walk Hard" kind of way.

The music is mostly great. Prince was fully formed at this point, and the movie soundtrack includes some of his best pop hits. Even aside from "Purple Rain," we also get "Let's Go Crazy," "When Doves Cry," and "I Would Die 4 U," along with a few lesser known but engaging jams. And many of the songs are presented as live performances by The Kid, so we get to see Prince's stage performances, which are truly something to behold.

The stage performances are worth seeing, but you're probably
better off just catching them in isolation on youtube. That
is, unless, you want to heckle the other sections of the
movie, just for fun.

Unfortunately, the stage was the only place in this movie where Prince looked even remotely in his element. It's hard to say what was more to blame - the horribly tepid script, the hiring of actors for their looks over their acting skills, or the utter lack of genuine chemistry between the characters. It was likely a toxic combination of all of them. Regardless, the result was a film that, when Prince wasn't performing on stage, was hilariously bad. It was fairly obvious that the "story" was merely a patchwork excuse to string together some Prince songs, with the shortcomings attempting to be glossed over with bright costumes, a shiny motorcycle, some nudity, and a couple of semi-graphic sex scenes.

I will say that I'm glad that I've now seen it. I was never a massive Prince devotee, but I certainly love several of his tunes and have no trouble seeing how musically brilliant the diminutive Minnesotan was. But short of someone doing a really fun Rocky Horror Picture Show type review, I will never feel the need to watch this one again. Buy the album, maybe, but not watch the movie.